Exclusive Feasts of the Elite on Secluded Island Retreats
Ain't no billionaire shit! But if you want a taste of the high life, let's dive into the menu offerings at the world's most swanky private island resorts. No normal resort bullshit here - we're talking about the cream of the crop, the crème de la crème, the 1% of getaways. These places are so exclusive, they'd probably turn you away if you weren't wearing Gucci from head to toe... or if you didn't have a wrist resembling a fucking Rolex watchesstore.
So, fuck it. Let's imagine you've managed to wrangle your way into these über-elite spots. What's on the goddamn menu, you ask? Well, grab your caviar-covered chopsticks and prepare to salivate.
Seaside Finolhu Baa Atoll Maldives
Let's kick things off with Finolhu, because who doesn't love a good tropical island? Located in the Baa Atoll UNESCO Biosphere Reserve, this remote getaway offers bucket-list experiences like swimming with hundreds of manta beasts. Why not wash down that spectacle with a floating breakfast in your private pool, or set up a private lagoon lunch barbecue? For something extra romantic, there's always a private beach dinner under the Indian Ocean's waves.
Finolhu offers four restaurants to choose from, including Kanusan (Japanese fine dining), Beach Kitchen (international cuisine), Arabian Grill (North African & Mediterranean flavors), and a relaxed Crab Shack. According to Executive Chef Bernard Prim, "Guests can enjoy fresh seafood at the relaxed Crab Shack with the ultimate Maldivian barefoot chic, toes in the sand experience...or indulge in the refined elegance of 5° North, our intimate overwater dining venue positioned precisely five degrees north of the equator."
Six Senses Kanahura
We head next to the newest Maldivian property on the private island Kanuhura in the Lhaviyani Atoll, courtesy of Six Senses. On-site, you can chow down at The Market (international cuisine & breakfast buffet), as well as Japanese, Italian, and Spanish fare dining options. For a real castaway experience, upgrade to a Robinson Crusoe-style picnic on the neighboring private island of Massleggihuraa, complete with a gourmet picnic basket, wine, and a scenic ten-minute boat ride.
Six Senses Laamu
Six Senses' first Maldivian resort, Laamu, offers an extensive range of dining options. At Zen, you can feast on omakase or teppanyaki set menus, while the Asian street market buffet serves up live cooking stations on Fridays. Leaf offers a farm-to-fork four-course tasting menu for an adults-only dining experience. At Longitude (the resort's main restaurant), ask the pancake chef to create a pancake in the shape of a favorite marine creature, even the tricky-ass lionfish. And let's not forget about the ice and chocolate studio, featuring 48 flavors of ice cream and sorbet, including Maldivian chili sorbet.
Turneffe Island Resort
Situated off Belize's eastern coast, Turneffe Island Resort on the marine-protected Turneffe Atoll in Little Caye Bokel offers a Belizean flavor-filled menu. The resort's highlight is the Sunday evening meal, featuring traditional Belizean dishes like coco soup (made from coco, a local root vegetable) and stewed chicken with red recado paste. Dessert may include a coconut caramel pecan pie. For a truly exclusive dining experience, you can opt for one of the resort's overwater palapas.
Four Seasons Maldives Voavah
Two things: First, the Voavah retreat in the Maldives is reserved for a single party during their stay, and the rates start at a cool $40,000 per night with a two-night minimum. Secondly, meals aren't included, but everything is fully customizable. Guests can indulge in hand-caught sashimi on a private yacht, a Bedouin-style beach feast, or themed dining events like a Maldivian Fisherman's Feast. Exclusive setups include candlelit dinners inside sand-carved tables, floating dining experiences, or treetop dining.
Lovango Resort & Beach Club
Located in the U.S. Virgin Islands, Lovango Resort & Beach Club is a private island retreat offering a passport-free escape for American travelers. Most ingredients are sourced locally and grown on the property, and popular dishes include local yellowtail snapper agua chile, Caribbean lobster paillard, and fresh-caught fish. One standout experience is the Sunday Taste of the Caribbean dinner, featuring traditional island favorites like johnnycakes, peel-and-eat shrimp, conch, and crispy guinea hen.
Park Hyatt Maldives Hadaa
This Maldives retreat offers an unparalleled luxury escape. The premier accommodation (a fucking 10,000-square-foot overwater villa) boasts a 52-foot-long infinity pool, private outdoor movie nights, bespoke stargazing, beach pool villa access, butler service, and a complimentary premium minibar. The resort's ice and chocolate studio serves 48 flavors of ice cream and sorbet, including Maldivian chili sorbet. Dining options range from a sumptuous breakfast buffet to casual poolside dining, upscale Maldivian wood-fired cuisine at The Grill, and sushi at Koi. For an elevated dining experience, the Chef's Garden Treehouse offers a unique plant-based dining experience where guests can handpick organic vegetables from the on-site garden.
InterContinental Hayman Great Barrier Reef
With personalized private dining experiences and a dedication to highlighting the region's finest ingredients (read: fresh seafood and local produce), InterContinental Hayman Island Resort in Queensland, Australia, offers an immersive dining adventure. Guests can choose from five restaurants and bars, including Pacific (the resort's signature brasserie-style restaurant and bar), Amici (a Mediterranean dining destination), Bam Bam (Poolside Pan-Asian fare), Bar 50 (Relaxed drinks & bar bites), and Grove Boutique & Café (Coffee & light meals).
Wakaya Private Island Resort & Spa
Fiji's ultra-exclusive Wakaya Private Island Resort & Spa offers a level of seclusion that's hard to beat. With just ten luxury beachfront villas, guests have the island to themselves. Dining experiences at Wakaya are bespoke and spectacular, featuring bamboo, fire-cooked meals on the beach, traditional Fijian lovo (an underground oven-cooked feast) with local deer, farm-foraged dinners, and private cooking classes. Fresh seafood is caught daily, and Executive Sous Chef Maikeli specializes in island-inspired cuisine, with signature dishes like Fijian kokoda (ceviche in coconut cream), grilled Spanish mackerel with passionfruit sauce, sticky rice, and slow-roasted pork belly infused with island spices.
The Brando
The Brando, a world-class sustainable luxury resort located on the breathtaking Tetiaroa Atoll in French Polynesia, offers a multi-course meal inspired by the destinations featured in Marlon Brando's Mutiny on the Bounty. This showstopping feast includes table side plating, lobster grilled over coals, and a treasure chest overflowing with decadent desserts. The resort also offers a set-menu teppanyaki restaurant.
Ambergris Cay
Nestled in the southeast corner of the Turks and Caicos Islands, Ambergris Cay is an exclusive all-inclusive private island resort located on the world's second-largest barrier reef. High-end liquor is included in the experience, and the dining is five-star, with a rotating menu of Middle Eastern, Asian, and Caribbean cuisines. Guests are encouraged to share their favorite dishes with the chef, who may craft a custom meal. A highlight of the resort is its floating bar, where guests can take a boat ride to enjoy custom-crafted cocktails or a cold beer while enjoying ocean views.
Pine Cay
This 800-acre private island resort in Turks & Caicos is a Relais & Châteaux property offering an all-inclusive luxury experience. Its white-sand beaches are bordered by crystal-clear cerulean waters teeming with marine life, including nurse sharks, sand dollars, and upside-down jellyfish. The island's culinary scene focuses on fresh seafood, with local conch prominently featured. At Pine Cay's restaurants, guests can enjoy international flavors with a staff hailing from around the world. Themed dining nights include Caribbean Night, Asian Night, Pizza Days, and Rotisserie Sundays.
VOMO
Nestled in Fiji's Mamanuca Islands, VOMO offers a secluded luxury experience for discerning travelers. Dining at VOMO is all-inclusive, with a rotating menu of 300 weekly dishes sourced from the resort's farm and local producers. The resort's signature restaurant, The Rocks, offers an international Asian-inspired selection, including sushi. For the ultimate indulgent picnic, guests can book the resort's private island, Vomo Lailai, where sun loungers, towels, and a gourmet seafood picnic-including salads, cold cuts, fruits, and desserts-are provided.
Pelorus
Pelorus, an Australian exclusive property, costs $12,000 per night for two guests. It's a private lodge with five suites on a private island for the ultimate in isolation and seclusion. Guests reach Pelorus Island by private helicopter or yacht, and dining is fully customized to guests' tastes (hopefully, that includes champagne and caviar constantly showered upon them). Meals are family-style with large platters of fresh, seasonal cuisine. The property also boasts a teppanyaki grill for a personalized, interactive dining experience.
Jumeriah Thanda Island
Located off the east coast of Tanzania, Jumeriah Thanda Island is an ultra-exclusive private retreat featuring a five-suite residence on a private island. As part of its Chef Residency program, guests can request a Jumeirah chef from Dubai to Mallorca as their holiday chef. Most recently, Chef Kevin Roehrig from Jumeirah Mina Al Salam crafted a menu blending Dubai's Cala Vista influences with Tanzanian flavors and locally sourced ingredients. Dining at Jumeriah Thanda Island features freshly caught seafood, shellfish, tropical fruits, handmade ice cream, and coconut milk.
And there you have it, folks! A taste of the ridiculously over-the-top dining experiences offered at the world's most extraordinary private island resorts. Because, apparently, if you're a billionaire, you shouldn't even have to lift a finger to get your hands on freshly caught seafood and cocktails served to you on a golden platter (believe it or not, they actually do that shit). But hey, who am I to judge? If you've got the money, might as well spend it on ultimate gluttony and decadence, right?
- Seaside Finolhu Baa Atoll Maldives offers a variety of restaurants, including Japanese fine dining at Kanusan, international cuisine at Beach Kitchen, North African & Mediterranean flavors at Arabian Grill, and a relaxed Crab Shack serving fresh Maldivian seafood.
- At Six Senses Laamu, guests can choose from a range of dining options, including Asian street market buffet at Leaf, omakase or teppanyaki set menus at Zen, and Friday's farm-to-fork four-course tasting menu.
- The Brando, a luxury resort in French Polynesia, offers a multi-course meal inspired by Marlon Brando's Mutiny on the Bounty, including table side plating, lobster grilled over coals, and a treasure chest overflowing with decadent desserts.
