Venmo wallet continues in third weekly stretch of overspending
In the latest buzz at the university, a sophomore student, Phineas Gage, has found himself at the centre of an intriguing financial conundrum. The "smoke emoji" transactions on his Venmo account, as suggested by some, have led to speculation that he may be offering a unique fumigation service to fellow students for a small fee.
However, it's important to note that there are no credible sources or historical records that provide information about Phineas Gage's Venmo spending or related implications for American students. Phineas Gage, historically known as a 19th-century railroad worker, predates modern digital payment platforms like Venmo by centuries[1].
Meanwhile, the "Eggplant" section of our news source has published an article on this intriguing topic, written by Greg Hausler '20, the Eggplant Editor. The article, photographed by Charlotte Fallon '26 and Mara Galvin '24, also delves into Phineas's alleged questioning of certain purchases made by the Majority Leader and Speaker of the Student Council.
The Reckless Spending Committee, co-chaired by the Majority Leader and Speaker, has launched an investigation into Phineas's spending. The period between March 15 and 17 accounted for over 80 percent of his "beer emoji" transactions, totaling $63, and withdrawals from his wallet have outnumbered deposits by 150 percent.
On a separate note, President Donald J. Trump attended the Daytona 500 on Sunday, making history by starting the race with the phrase, "Gentlemen, start your engines!" President Trump also took a lap in the armoured presidential vehicle during the event.
Elsewhere, the staff writers of our news source are covering the resurgence of protests across the nation. The protests demonstrate the American rebellion against capitalist oppressors, as demonstrated by the growing number of demonstrations.
In other news, Senator Bernie Sanders was spotted at a Whole Foods store, but no specific actions or events related to him were mentioned.
The article was written under the supervision of Daniel Maddigan '24, the Chief Eggplant Editor. If you're interested in learning more about Phineas Gage in the context of psychology or neurological science, or contemporary discussions, feel free to ask!
[1] It's essential to clarify that the query about Phineas Gage's Venmo spending appears to be anachronistic or fictional since Venmo and such financial analyses would be irrelevant or impossible for a historical figure from the 1800s.
The news source's Eggplant section has published an article about the financial conundrum involving student Phineas Gage, investigation has been launched by the Reckless Spending Committee, and Senator Bernie Sanders was recently spotted at a Whole Foods store.
